Pity Party

by Leenah O

Dare I say life hasn’t really been kind to me?

How else can you explain the series of mishaps and misadventures that trail my everyday existence? I mean, I’m fine with the occasional drama filled event, but I’ve gotten so weary of waking up and wondering what sort of curve-ball life is planning to throw my way this time around. Adventure stories will come other days but first, let’s have a little pity party. I want to find out- am I the only one that always ends up feeling alone amid so many people? Is it so hard to fathom that you could have so many “friends” and family and yet still feel like you’re screaming so loud and no one can hear you? 

I’m the kind of female that goes around with a smile for everybody, notwithstanding your position in life or your appearance, as long as you don’t look like a creep or a mad man (I’m terrified of them by the way!). I may not be the first one to text or call those close to me all the time but they know once they call me, it’s like we never stopped talking. I am always ready to help and go out of my way just to make the people I care about happy (I literally stay up and think about how I can get stuff done for them). Most times, I push my worries and personal issues to the back burner just to make sure I help deal with their own issues. Who won’t want a friend like me in their arsenal? Ain’t I just awesome?

The problem is this, however – I think my friends care about me but they can’t be bothered enough to ask me, “How are you doing?” Too many times, I’ve felt so depressed and felt like I was losing a hold on reality, but nobody noticed. Instead, they get angry at me for having mood swings, or are completely blind to my angst and ask me to help with their own issues. Nobody notices that lil ol’ me just needs a hug, and to be asked, “Are you okay?”

Far too long, through various struggles, I’ve held it together with only my inner voice and various foods helping me through. It gets tiring waging these wars alone. Where is my hero? Where is the one who would say “Don’t worry love, it gets better, you’d be okay soon”? It’s been a particularly tough time so far and I’ve been able to hold it in; but for how much longer?

Now, don’t see this as a whiny female being dramatic, rather look around you and try to find people that you’ve ignored; see it as a cry for help from that friend that’s been incommunicado, that sister that’s been having so many mood swings, that guy in the office that’s usually cheerful but has been down lately. Reach out to them and ask them, “Are you okay?” or “What’s the problem?” You don’t know, you just might be saving a person from suicide or from taking irreversible steps.

Meanwhile I’ve cried so much all day, my eyes are gonna be puffy tomorrow and I’m gonna have the grandmother of all headaches… Definitely a makeup day tomorrow!

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